lost in the dark

Don't you hate it when you've got a great story brewing, you're riding that perpetual wave of creation and everything is fitting into place nicely, then BAM! - you meet your antagonist - and you freeze!

That's my problem at the moment!  I have such a clear picture of what I want to get across with this guy, but I just can't find his voice.  He's got me stumped!

Now, I think I know why this is, and I suspect many of you have had this problem with a character at one time or another, too.  I believe it's because I haven't found anything about him that I can relate to yet.

When I'm developing characters, without doubt, a part of me is firmly implanted into them.  I have a connection with them.  It's just enough that I know how they will deal with situations I put them in, and I hear their voice like it's an extension of my own. I totally get them.

This guy is MEAN.  He's VICIOUS.  He's SADISTIC. He's pure EVIL!  And right now, I just don't know how to write him - because I'm too nice! 

Firstly, I can't find a point of reference at this stage.  I'm delving. I mean, I'm no angel, of course I have a dark side.  I just have to channel it!

Secondly, and probably more importantly, I'm protecting my protagonist!

Are you guilty of that?  I'm beginning to see just how much I do it, and it's a problem.  She should be screaming for me to give her a break.  Begging me to write him out!  I should be having so much fun with this guy that I can't stop.  So why aren't I?

Because I put part of myself into my characters, and no matter how minuscule that part is, it's there.  I fear what I may discover about myself! 

You see, I've been raised to be a "good girl".  What will people think when this guy, who is probably one of the juiciest characters I've ever had, starts weaving his web of manipulation and deceit, and unleashing his venomous wrath on anyone that gets in his way?  Well, I hope they'll think - wow, this guy is a psycho and I HAVE to get this part - lol!  But what I fear they'll be thinking is - my God, this woman is a psycho!

There is my problem!  An old, buried "issue" that I must face, again.  I don't care what people think of me half as much as I used to, but it rears its ugly head once in a while.  I know what I have to do.  It shouldn't be difficult.  In fact I should be having a blast.  But honestly, it scares the hell out of me!  Why?  Because I feel like a psycho just having the thoughts, let alone writing them down, and I'm not comfortable with that!  

This is something I'm determined to overcome.  I WILL overcome. I'm learning to step out of this bubble of comfort faster every time, and it's making me stronger and more confident each time I do, but I can see why men tend to write this genre more than women. I won't let that stop me though.  In fact I will use it as my motivation to succeed.  I will face this fear head-on and explore this guy to the full.  I will find that psychotic voice, and I will embrace it.  I will face the fear of getting lost in the dark...

"Fear is never a reason for quitting: it is only an excuse."

- Norman Vincent Peale

That's right - Feel the fear, and do it anyway!

So, come on, get your antagonist out and we'll see what we're made of.  No more meek and mild. Let's have some fun.  Let's take that step, hell let's just leap straight into - the dark side!

Happy writing ;)

Emma 

BTW - I'll make this a two-part post.  Once I work out my antag, I'll share with you how I did it, and share any genius wisdom that's been given to me along the way.