Reminiscing

Well hi there! It's only been four years... WTF?!

There's no way I'm going to bore you with the last four years of my life, but needless to say much has changed. So why post now? Well, I was sitting here today thinking about life, and how it takes us on roads we never imagined we'd travel, and I got to thinking of all the roads I've traveled so far...and that brought me to my blog! I went back to the beginning and I read EVERY post! I kid you not. It was like looking back through a journal of sorts, and it made me miss this time in my life.

I haven't written much, if anything, for a few years now. I am still as creative as ever, but my outlet has changed. A tandem passion I've had alongside writing is photography, and that kind of took over quenching my creative thirst. It also wasn't as difficult - if I'm being totally honest - so that brings me back to the why now question, if I'm not writing, and I'm not in that arena, then why post? Like I said, as I read through I felt a lot like this was my journal, and so I felt the need to write an update of sorts. Here goes...

Initially I have a confession, an explanation perhaps - I have always, for as long as I can remember, needed to try new things, ALWAYS. I love to learn. I love to see if I can do something, and I need to know if I'm any good. The problem that I have is that once I have answered those questions, I'm satisfied! This makes sticking with things extremely difficult for me. I don't think it's an attention thing, like ADHD or anything like that, I just lose the desire to pursue whatever it is because I don't necessarily have the burning need to excel at it. I just like having the experience.

For a very long time I saw this as a flaw. It really bothered me. I would feel its imminence, and I'd do all that I could to stave if off - to no avail. I felt like a quitter. Was I afraid of something? What? Why?

It turns out that it's just my curious nature, and the way I'm wired. As I've got older, and as I've paid attention to the cycles of my creative energy, I've seen much more clearly the pattern that unfolds.

I write still, every day. In my journal. Lists. Ideas. Random thoughts that won't stop nagging at me until it's on paper. Not much of it makes sense, but I love to write. I need to. I know that I always will. The nature and focus of the writing is what changes. I've stopped and started so many blogs in my need to write. I just never found another subject matter to warrant dedicating a blog to, or a subject that I really understood enough to feel that I could speak about with enough truth and understanding that anyone would care.

This blog was always different, because I wrote it more as a way of inspiring others creatively rather than teach anything. I just shared what I was doing in my own routine and felt that it was possibly opening others up to brainstorming their own way through their writing.

It's funny how we keep coming back to what is at our core. Our passions. I've been working on a new project (by new I mean for a couple of years). It's a photography project that incorporates my writing. I keep shelving it, and it keeps screaming at me to get on with it. Every time I try to do something else, it finds a way of creeping in in another form, but it can't fool me! I've done enough rewrites to know the same essence when I see it!!

So here I am, back at writing. This time it isn't a memoir, a novel, or a screenplay. It isn't fiction, and honestly I wouldn't say it's non-fiction either (although that would be how it's categorized by proxy) I would say it is more of a heart project. Love on paper. I needed to read this blog today, to remind me of my own essence!! It reminded me why I write, what my 'blocks' are, and what my process is/was. It reminded me that my greatest work might not be picked up by another soul, but that as long as it comes from within me, and I'm allowing it to pass through me, then it's value is much the same. If not for anyone but me, it is still worth doing.

I guess in all truth, I just wanted to feel the keys below my fingers again, have that sense of connectedness that this type of writing/blogging thing does (whether anyone reads it or not is of little importance) and just come back and smile. Celebrate that this is all a journey. Every day is a chance to imprint your own magnificence of spirit in whatever way flows. For me, that has largely been in the form of a mother these last few year, guiding my little tribe through the sometimes murky waters of life. I put much of what I longed to do on hold (willingly) because I know this time is fleeting. Four years has gone in the blink of an eye. Yet I stand here, at another crossroad. Do I go here? Do I go there? My heart wants to do it all, and now I know that I can - just not all at once - and I'm okay with that now.

We had a sea change a couple of years ago. It's been heaven for my soul. It's just what I knew I needed to do - for myself and my family. That breath of fresh air that sounds cliche but in truth is real. Now that we've settled into our new life I feel I'm ready to spread my own wings a little again. I feel drawn to a few things simultaneously, but what's new there?! Ha! Either way, I'm ready to take on something just for me again...

Stay tuned. Maybe I'll blog about it!

Happy writing my dear sweet friends (if there's anyone left out there that is)
Keep at it! :)